My World

Thoughts

I really try to stay a positive person, maybe it doesnt always happen, but i really do try. I feel like spreading negativity is a crime. I also feel that simply smiling for no reason can turn someone elses day around. It just really sucks that its hard at times to be that positive person, you can’t always keep your spirits up. What sucks even more is when you feel life is going so well and everything in your world is great, but then you have what some would call a revelation about something. Then that perfect world feels shattered almost, like that life you thought you were living was just a dream. It just spirals from there too, you realize that things are crumbling around you..slowly, but you didn’t notice. Not that it was your fault, but that no one bothered to tell you. It was just kind of kept from you all this time. Whats worse is when something you did wasn’t intended… For me i always want to correct those wrongs and fix things, but i never know how or what to do. I want to be a better person always, but how do you go about it? I wish people could be honest more often, it does hurt most of the time, but i feel its for the better. How am i supposed to improve as a person if i don’t know what i did wrong? it kills me that i want closure, but its something i will never get and theres nothing i can do about it but…break down and cry. Its so difficult to maintain everything just trying to find that balance. I hate that its hard to go to someone to talk about these things. I just feel like its going to become their problem too, and now im just some burden. I kinda wish too that i had some form of mental therapy that i could always go to when things just feel futile.Im not saying my life is the worst, because its not. I do understand that others have bigger problems, and mine may just seem silly but its something i really feel strongly about… On a side note i feel no one is going to read this, which is fine. I just needed to get something out there and off my chest without being a bother to someone directly.